


Scattered Memories

by Lilly0



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Getting Together, Historical References, M/M, Multiple Pairings, Romance, Samurai, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 02:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4588800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/Lilly0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> Even when your memory returns and it might turn out to be something dark or twisted, even when you will need to fight it, even when it makes you lose your sanity, even when it awakens dark demons inside you… I believe you are strong enough to fight it.</i><br/>Living in a peaceful time should make Matsumoto-sama’s life as a shogun easy and comfortable, surrounded by his brother, his friends and lovers. This is until they find a young man, covered in blood, who can’t remember anything except his name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scattered Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT historical accurate in any way. Actually, this has nothing to do with history. And Jun is probably too nice as a shogun :-) Slight violence, because of the topic. Other than that… Multiple pairings.
> 
> Main pairing would be Sakumoto.

The scowl on his face was deep, giving him an almost dark expression. Recently the country’s state was safe, calm, but it made him feel uncomfortable sometimes. Matsumoto-sama was used to war and battles. He had participated in them before, but now it was not his task anymore. Not too long ago, he had been fighting, not ruling. Now that he became the new shogun after his father died, things changed. And though he did accept most changes, he didn't want everything to change.   
  
He still wanted to stay Matsumoto Jun, the person he used to be.   
  
-  
  
“Matsumoto-sama, here is your tea,” the young man bowed low, a warm smile on his lips. He was relatively new to Jun’s group of counsellors and harem. “I put in ginger and cinnamon.”  
  
“Cinnamon?” The frown on Jun’s face grew, making the young man grow pale.  
  
“I ordered it from India,” he stuttered in response. “You mentioned your lack of sleep, Master, that’s why…”  
  
Jun kept his silence, his gaze scanning the young man in front of him who was obviously wary, then he looked at the cup of tea. The scent coming from it was alluring, so he took a sip. When he nodded his head, he could see the relief in the young man’s eyes. “It tastes good, Masaki-kun, but next time you want me to sleep well at night, think of something simpler.”  
  
Aiba blushed happily at that. “I will.”  
  
******  
  
Aiba’s body felt warm and soft under Jun's skilled fingers, each of his touches making Aiba's body shiver in delight. Jun pressed his lips against Aiba’s neck. “This is what I meant when I said to find a better way to help me sleep.”  
  
With deft fingers he pushed the kimono from Aiba’s shoulders, revealing his beautiful neck and shoulders. A soft sigh left Aiba’s lips when Jun caressed his sensitive skin. Jun's hands were rough from use of his kendo sword, sending shivers through Aiba’s body whenever he touched him.   
  
Jun opened Aiba’s kimono a bit further, his hand wandering downwards. He stroked his inner thighs, enjoying the sighs and moans Aiba gave him.  
  
“I should reward you for being so concerned and thoughtful,” Jun said, his voice low and hoarse. He bent forward to kiss Aiba’s half-parted lips. It was a soft, teasing kiss and Aiba soon became engulfed in it, wanting more. Jun chuckled slightly before he deepened their kiss, his tongue licking over Aiba’s lips before he slid it into his mouth, kissing him heatedly.   
  
Aiba’s body relaxed visibly, enjoying the kiss they shared, before Jun’s hands moved downwards again, brushing over his thighs. When he started rubbing his crotch, Aiba broke away from Jun’s lips, moaning at the sudden friction.   
  
He looked at Jun hazily while the latter was preparing him, knowing exactly where to touch him and how to make him shudder in joy. Jun didn’t undress them completely, only shoving their kimonos aside so that he could reach the most important parts of Aiba’s body. The latter’s eyes were widening slightly, a pained look in them, when Jun pushed his cock into him, filling him up completely. But he relaxed soon under Jun’s soft touches and kisses.  
  
Jun’s fingers stroke through Aiba’s hair, almost softly, before they curled, tangling in the strands and pulling his head back. He kissed his neck, sucking at it, making sure that there would definitely lingering bruises. His tongue trailed down Aiba’s neck and chest, kissing and teasing his nipples. He felt how Aiba was relaxing, his muscles loosened up.   
  
Jun pushed himself up, grabbing Aiba’s hips now and moving against them. The movement of his hips was fast and almost rough, drawing moans and sighs of pleasure from Aiba’s lips. He waited for Aiba to reach his orgasm, before he finished himself.   
  
-  
  
Jun stroked Aiba’s hair, chucking slightly. “You know what I like about you the most?” he smiled wickedly. “Even after all these years, you still act a virgin.”  
  
Aiba blushed deeply before he chuckled. “Well, I do what I can.”  
  
Jun kissed him once more. “At least I might be able to sleep tonight.”  
  
******  
  
“Very well, you are doing amazing.”  
  
Nino moved smoothly. His body was fragile, almost feminine, but the way he moved was elegant and strong. He was not nearly as weak as he looked like.  
  
Jun crossed his arms in front of his body, watching his friend. He had never wanted to train someone, it wasn’t his task to do so, but he had known Nino since they were children, he was his only true friend. It was only natural for him to agree when Nino had asked him to teach him how to fight, so that he would be able to be at Jun’s side, as a part of his guard.   
  
Jun not only liked but also respected Nino. He liked his courage and his ambition. And his loyalty. Nino always acted as his friend – always at his side.  
  
-  
  
“Master, I come with the sake you requested,” a young woman walked by them, bringing them several cups with sake. Nino’s gaze followed her, an admiring smile on his lips. She had beautiful, slender hips, a soft but distant smile. She only opened up to Jun though, showing him her soft and vulnerable side and her rare bright smile. He sighed when she left them alone again.  
  
Jun's lips quirked when he saw Nino’s gaze. “Karina-san is a beauty.”  
  
Nino chuckled. “Indeed, she is. Apparently, it’s your fate to be surrounded by beautiful women and men.”  
  
Jun laughed. “Why don’t you just admit that you want her?”  
  
Nino shook his head. “Maybe I do, but never would I steal one of yours.”  
  
Jun leaned back, looking at Nino thoughtfully. Then he chuckled. “I know that. Just like I would never steal someone from you.” He smiled wickedly. “There is no way I can give her to you, but…”  
  
“But?” Nino asked, his eyes gleaming impishly.   
  
“You will see.”  
  
“I won’t forget this,” Nino promised. “I’ll remind you if you forget.”  
  
“I won’t forget,” Jun assured him.   
  
“So, I’m doing well?” Nino changed the subject, wanting to make sure about this. “When will you let me join your guard?”  
  
“You really want to that badly?” Jun asked, unable to hide the hint of worry in his voice. “It would put you into danger. Don’t you prefer staying in the house, as a counsellor, or maybe even as a teacher for the young men who can’t fight?”  
  
Nino shook his head. “I want to be useful. My father gave his life for your father. Back then I didn’t understand it, but now I know that he did it because he loved your father and he was his friend. I want to be useful too. How can I look him in the face when we meet again if I haven’t done anything with my life?”  
  
“You're always forcing me into these kinds of things,” Jun grumbled. “And unfortunately I can’t say no to you.”  
  
Nino shrugged. “You're just the same, aren’t you? Didn’t you put yourself in danger to save Aiba-chan and the others?”  
  
“Maybe.”  
  
“So, there is no difference between us. You can’t deny someone else something you would do,” Nino smiled, knowing he had already won this discussion. “You are not a hypocrite.”  
  
“Fine,” Jun sighed out, exasperated. “You really give me a headache sometimes.”  
  
******  
  
His body hurt, every inch of it. He hadn’t believed that it was possible to feel so much pain. When he wiped at his forehead, he could feel a warm liquid dripping. His sweat or blood, he couldn’t tell, but something left the taste of iron in his mouth.  
  
He tried pulling himself up, to find someone who could help him, but he didn’t have any strength left.  
  
He dropped down again after a few meters, deciding to just stay here and die. Out of the corner of his eye he could see that he was close to a garden and further away, there was a huge house. Looked a bit like castle.   
  
But he was too tired to reach it. Too tired…  
  
******  
  
Jun’s long fingers wandered over Karina’s neck, brushing the sleeve of her dress away so that her shoulder was revealed. He bent down, placing a kiss on it. Karina moved into his touches, sighing when she felt his lips on her shoulder. His lips moved down her back. Out of all the women and men living in the shogun’s palace, she was one of very few who never wore a kimono. It didn’t fit her and Matsumoto-sama had approved of her style, giving her permission to wear whatever she wanted. In fact she knew that he even found it part of her appeal, that she was so different. He also loved undressing her, always spending a long time revealing her body slowly, showering her with kisses and light touches. Every time, she patiently waited for him to undress her completely, her body already tingling with lust by the time the last piece of her clothing dropped to the floor.   
  
She sighed happily when her clothes were all taken off. He was still standing behind her, using the whole of his hands to touch her. The skin of his hands was rough, dry from all the work he was doing, martial arts and the weather, her skin was soft and warm in contrast. It sent shivers down her spine when she felt his hands on her body, stroking her sides and shoulders, her neck, until he reached her face. Then he turned her around, pulling her closer and kissing her.   
  
When they drew apart, she smiled at the look in his eyes. Jun laughed. “Come.” He took her hand, leading her out to his private garden.   
  
She laughed when she saw what he was planning. Steam rose from the outdoor bath. The water was comfortably warm when she followed him into it. Jun was standing in the middle of the bath, submerged up to his waist. Karina followed him swiftly, leaning against his back once she reached him. He had a strong back, she thought, it was nice to lean against it.   
  
Jun was nice and considerate towards her, always. It didn't only come from his affection towards the people who shared his life and bed with him, but also from his very own honor code, about how to treat women and also men (at least those who surrounded him in private). But today he was particularly nice.   
  
Karina smirked slightly. “There is something you want from me, Master, am I correct?” She knew she was being blunt, but she had always been and she knew he liked it.   
  
“Hm,” Jun’s voice was thoughtful. “You know Ninomiya-san.”  
  
“Of course, he is your friend.” She pressed her lips against his neck, placing light kisses on his shoulder and neck, smiling when he sighed slightly.   
  
“Do you find him appealing?”  
  
She was surprised, but not much. Her hands were resting on his upper arms now, brushing over them. “I like only you.”  
  
He grinned. “That’s not what I asked.”  
  
For a moment she blushed, but then she shrugged it off. She was pretty sure that he would never trick her, so she might as well be honest. “He is a handsome man,” she answered honestly. “Different, but handsome.”  
  
“You are right.”  
  
“Why do you ask?” She chuckled. “Do you want him to join us, Master?” Jun stayed silent before he turned around. She wrapped her arms around his neck, looking up at him. “If you want that, I’ll give it to you happily. We’ve done that before with Aiba-chan.”  
  
“With Masaki-kun it’s different,” he explained. “Ninomiya-san is not my partner, not in that manner.”  
  
She was genuinely surprised. “Are you asking me for permission to invite him?” Her heart jumped slightly at that, realizing her importance in that moment.   
  
“Does it surprise you so much?”  
  
She tilted her head, then she shook it. “No, but I’m very willing to give you my all. As long as you are with me, I don’t care who else is there.”  
  
He laughed slightly at that, wrapping his arms around her body. “I don’t like sharing you.”  
  
She knew, which wass why it was even more interesting for her to invite someone along occasionally. It made his longing for her stronger, kept her interesting. It was a bit like a game. As long as he was at her side, playing it with her, she was eager to fulfill any of his wishes.   
  
“Why don’t you invite him?” she asked, looking around.   
  
Jun pulled an eyebrow up. “Now?”  
  
She smiled wickedly, placing a warm kiss on his chest. “Since it seems to be on your mind now, I thought _now_ might be a good option.” She laughed when Jun lifted her in his arms and carried her back into his private rooms.   
  
-  
  
Jun watched them intensely. He didn’t join them immediately, first letting Nino and Karina enjoy themselves. Nino was beautiful, his body slender and almost gracile. He moved his hands over Karina’s hips elegantly. He didn’t waste a lot of time on foreplay, his way of winning a woman over different from Jun’s. Jun would have frowned at this, had he not known his women preferred it his way and that he would still be able to make them moan and long for his touches.  
  
Still, he was quite pleased that Nino did a pretty good job. He wasn’t as innocent as he looked.  
  
Jun stood from his seat, his sake in one hand, handing it to Karina when he sat down on the bed next to her. She smiled at him, her eyes gleaming, before she took a sip and bent forward to kiss him.  
  
Her normally sweet lips tasted differently now, and Jun wasn't sure if it was her sweetness mixing up with the sharp taste of the sake or if it was Nino on her lips. Nevertheless, he loved it. He didn’t stop kissing her until her lips were red and slightly swollen.   
  
Nino only chuckled, before he bent forward to kiss Jun as well. The taste he had encountered while kissing Karina – here it was. Jun could have backed off, because Nino was being so blunt, but he allowed it. It was Nino after all – he was still his subordinate, but they were friends first.  
  
Jun kissed him back and he could feel Nino’s surprise at that. It wasn’t easy to surprise Nino and Jun had to chuckle to himself. He drew back a bit, nodding towards Karina. “Touch her.” His eyes followed Nino’s hands, how they wandered over Karina’s body, feeling the soft skin – Jun had always thought that she had the softest and most beautiful skin of all the women he had met until now. She was perfect. She shifted her gaze towards him, as if she felt his thoughts and he could see it in her eyes, how much she wanted him to touch her. He couldn’t deny her wish. Like always, she was the first he had chosen as his partner, way before Aya and Aiba joined. And the reasons why he had chosen her were because she was smart, unique and self-confident. He wanted someone next to him who would be able to listen if he discussed political problems and who would be able to suggest things here and there. Though he loved Aiba and Aya, only for completely different reasons than why he loved Karina – Aiba he had found on the streets, a young, desperate guy, stealing to survive. His officers were about to kill him when Jun had looked into his kind and helpless eyes and decided to help him. Aya, he had freed out from the hands of her abusive procurer. She was a shy, almost awkward girl and he was still trying to make her feel comfortable here. Also, she was the only one he hadn’t touched till now. He had kissed her a few times, when he felt that she was searching for his presence, but he hadn’t slept with her. He would never force himself on a woman or man.   
  
One could say that Matsumoto-sama liked broken characters, liked to mend them and fix them and put the pieces together again and to give them a second life, a second chance. Maybe it was true. Jun wasn’t denying it.   
  
However, Karina was different. She had always been.   
  
He could feel her hand on his cheek, stroking him lovingly, while at the same time biting her lips against Nino’s touches and the shivers it sent through her body.   
  
Even though they were three tonight, Jun was looking to make her come first – both literally and in sense of attention – before he paid attention to Nino and to himself.   
  
-  
  
It was later when the other two were already asleep that Jun was standing up, angling for another cup with sake and settling down on the balcony. It was a warm night, a clear one, the stars and moon sparkling through the night.   
  
“MASTER!”  
  
Jun jumped up instinctively when he heard the panicked voice. It was Aiba’s, clearly. And it was not a good sign. He hurried to the door, glad that Nino and Karina hadn't woken up, before he stepped into the corridor. There, Aiba bumped into him. He blushed deeply, making Jun smile a bit. He was so adorable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”  
  
“It’s okay, Masaki-kun,” Jun chuckled. “When will you learn to loosen up a bit around me?” _Most likely never,_ he added in his thoughts, _thanks to your tragic background._ He pulled the other into a hug instinctively, feeling the need to protect him. “Missed me that much?”  
  
“No,” Aiba shook his head, before his blush increased. “I mean, YES! But…” He sighed, rubbing at his hair anxiously. “I’m such a fail,” he mumbled.   
  
“Really, boy,” Jun kissed his forehead. “You should learn not to get worked up so easily. You aren’t afraid of me, are you?”  
  
“No, I’m not afraid,” Aiba answered, his smile genuine.   
  
“Good,” Jun nodded his head. “Now tell me what happened.”  
  
“Satoshi-sensei found a young man covered in blood outside, close to the gardens.”   
  
“What?” Jun’s eyes widened in surprise. “A man covered in blood?”  
  
“Yes, Master. Sensei is with him.”  
  
Jun released Aiba, shoving him towards his room. “You go and sleep a bit. I will look after Satoshi and his patient.”  
  
“In your futon?” Aiba blinked in surprise, his eyes gleaming slightly. Jun had a huge, comfortable futon, it was soft and not that close to the ground.   
  
“Yes, now go and sleep.”  
  
******  
  
The _young man’s_ face, as Aiba had called him, was covered in bruises, as was his arms and body. Jun sat in a chair close to the guest futon Aya had prepared. He smiled at her when she brought some towels and balms. “Thank you, Aya-chan. You have been great help.” He smiled at her genuinely, seeing how her eyes lit up a bit at his soft words, her cheeks flushed in a gentle red.   
  
“It was nothing, Master.”  
  
“Of course it was. Helping someone who is in need means more than words can express.” Jun took her hand into his, stroking her palm with his thumb. The smile she gave him was almost hopeful, so he pulled her down next to him, carefully, and kissed her softly. But when he stroked her shoulders, he could feel how she was tensing up slightly, so he let go of her again, only smiling. “Aren't you going to sleep, Aya-chan?”  
  
She nodded her head. Still, there was something in her eyes, something Jun couldn’t read properly. Like she was sad and disappointed that she had to leave.   
  
Once Aya left, Jun turned his attention completely to Satoshi and the young man. “You said he’ll make it?”  
  
“Most likely yes,” Satoshi’s hands were moving over the man’s arms, before he angled for a towel, continuing to clean his wounds. “His body is strong.”  
  
Jun nodded, his gaze wandering over the man’s body. He was slender, but muscular. His face had strong features. “Was it a fight? Did someone abuse him?”  
  
Satoshi frowned. “I can’t tell it. He seems to be used to fighting, so a fight might be possible. But then, there are also wounds and bruises which are older. They don’t seem to come from a sword. He might have an abusive master?” Satoshi suggested.  
  
Jun frowned. He didn't tolerate this kind of behavior within his ranks. Even if someone worked for you, you needed to treat him with respect. He stood up, walking towards the futon. His fingers touched the man’s hair softly.   
  
“Say, Jun.” Jun turned his attention to Satoshi. In this house Satoshi was the only person he had never ever slept with once… and would never sleep with, even though he was calling him in such an intimate way. “Judging by his appearance, he's samurai, am I right?”  
  
“Yes,” Jun nodded his head. “But he is not mine. I’ve never seen him in my army.”  
  
Satoshi chuckled. “I am always impressed at how you can them all so easily.”  
  
“They are my men,” Jun smiled. “How can I lead them if I don’t know them?”  
  
“That’s just what our father would have said,” Satoshi mused. “You are doing a good job, brother.”  
  
“Thanks, right back at you.” Jun waited for Satoshi to finish his work, then took his place at the side of the man’s bed. He was young, his features fierce… but also pained. Jun wasn’t sure if it was because of the pain he felt right now, or because of something that was lying way deeper, beneath the surface. He reached out his hand to brush his hair away, revealing his sweaty forehead. He was fevering, obviously.  
  
Jun angled for a cold towel, placing it on his forehead, seeing how his breath got more even. Still, he felt worried. People called this Matsumoto-sama’s biggest flaw and at the same time his most charming point… he just couldn’t walk by someone who was in need of help. Also this time he nodded his head towards himself. He would definitely watch out for this man, make him recover and then find a place for him. He was a samurai and Jun had recently been thinking to expand his life guards.   
  
He looked down at the man in worry. This guy wasn’t hurt in a fight, he was ganged up on and then beaten up. Obviously. Maybe even abused and then abandoned, just like Aiba.   
  
Who would do something like that?  
  
“What happened to you?” Jun mumbled, well aware that the other couldn’t hear him now. “Who are you?”  
  
There was no answer, just like he had expected.   
  
******  
  
“Aiba-kun,” Satoshi grinned. “You are suffocating him.”  
  
“It’s just,” Aiba frowned in worry. “He still looks so pale.”  
  
“He is fine,” Satoshi reassured him.   
  
“But he still didn’t wake up,” Aiba took a closer look at the young man’s face. “It’s scary that you found him all covered in blood... People can be so cruel.”  
  
Satoshi nodded his head, finding it interesting that Aiba was able to hit the point without even realizing it. Aiba was sharper than he realized himself.   
  
Indeed, people could be cruel. “Well, once he wakes up, we’ll show him that not everyone is cruel.”  
  
“Alright,” Aiba chuckled. “We could try.” He stood up. “I’ll help Karina-san then. I think she wants to look after the flowers today. She is preparing for the jasmine and sakura trees to blossom. The flower festival will be soon. I don’t want her to work all on her own.”  
  
Satoshi smiled slightly. “The celebration once the flowers will bloom. You are right, it’s approaching.”   
  
“Yes,” Aiba’s eyes gleamed. “It’s the most beautiful festival of the year.” His gaze shifted towards the young guy. “He will be feeling better then, hopefully. Say, Sensei?”  
  
“Yes?”  
  
“Is he a samurai?”  
  
“Yes, apparently he is,” Satoshi explained. “But we don’t know what happened to him. Maybe his superior abused him or he lost in a fight. We’ll need to find that out once he is awake again.”  
  
“We should give him a break though,” Aiba looked at him in worry. “He might not feel well enough to talk about what happened.”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Satoshi smiled. “I’ll be watching out that he won’t break down.”  
  
Aiba nodded his head contently, before he blinked, something coming to his mind. “Where is Aya-chan?”  
  
“She is helping me,” Satoshi explained. “She wants to learn to be a nurse. As long as the shogun approves of it, of course.”  
  
******  
  
“Satoshi told me you want to become a nurse,” Jun turned his head slightly to look at Aya. He was lying on his stomach, while she was sitting on his thighs, her slender fingers massaging his back. Aiba had ordered some new camomile oil from the Orient to help him with his strained back and Aya had wanted to be the one to use it on him first.   
  
Her warm hands were wandering over his shoulders, massaging them, the scent of camomile filling the room.   
  
Aya blushed when she heard Jun’s question, his dark eyes looking back at her insistently. “Yes, I would love to learn about medicine, so that I can help in case something happens.”  
  
“I have nothing to oppose against your wish,” Jun smiled. “If you want to learn from my brother, I won’t say anything against it. It’s good that you have chosen something to do.”  
  
Aya smiled genuinely, her eyes gleaming happily. She smiled when she felt Jun’s hand stroking her cheek and bent forward to kiss him softly. When Jun wanted to pull away, Aya clung to him.   
  
“What?” Jun blinked in surprise when she suddenly hugged him, her body feeling warm against his.   
  
“I’m not afraid of you, Matsumoto-sama,” the way Aya looked at him and the steadiness of her voice told him exactly what she meant. “I would never be afraid of you.”  
  
Jun smiled warmly, trying to hide his joy. “And now?” he turned around. “I smell like a flower field.”  
  
Aya giggled. “You should wash that off.” She patted his back with both her hands. “It’s sticky.”  
  
Jun laughed. “Are you trying to seduce me?”  
  
Aya blushed slightly, before her eyes gleamed in a rare mischievous way. “Is it working?”  
  
“I guess it is.”  
  
-  
  
It felt warm and comfortable in the outdoor bath despite the cold weather. Aya had never really been there till now, since it was Jun’s private bath. It was made out of marble, the water clean and hot. Aiba had explained to her that the water was coming from a fountain out of hot water.   
  
Aya dived down, feeling the marble beneath her fingers – it was strange how soft stones could be.  
  
When she appeared on the surface of the water again, Jun had joined her, leaning against the edge of the basin, grinning teasingly. “Had I known that you will enjoy this bath that much, I would have brought you here sooner.”  
  
Aya swam closer to him until she reached him, clinging to his shoulders to pull herself up. It was slightly slippery in the water, Jun’s skin and her own wet, but still it felt so good to feel his hands on her body, stroking, touching and teasing her.   
  
She arched her back, feeling how Jun was pressing her body closer to his, his hands moving down her back, resting at the small of it. It felt strange to her to be touched like that by a man, strange, but not unpleasant. The only sexual experiences she had were those where she had to sell her body to others.   
  
This here was different. The slightest thought of fear or gloominess was wiped away from her mind. She knew it wasn’t that simple, that there would come days when she would feel sad and broken and haunted by her past, but for now, she felt safe.   
  
He had sat down on one of the stairs while she was straddling her hips, riding him. His hands were brushing over her back and her hair, keeping her close to his body. She clung to his back, moving her hips faster, his breath feeling so warm against her neck. There were little sweat drops on her face, but the water made everything feel so comfortable and easy.   
  
It was easy to let go when she was around Jun. Until she had met him she thought that having sex and being touched by a man wasn’t something pleasurable, nothing she could get fun out of. Having him making love to her was an experience she had never counted with. It was intense and it made her feel like flying.  
  
******  
  
 _He is awake._  
  
When Karina brought Jun Satoshi’s message, he was immediately on his feet, hurrying to the guest room with the unknown samurai resting in it.  
  
Jun was surprised when he saw him. He hadn’t expected such strong eyes. His features were fierce, but now that he had opened his eyes, his whole being was even more intense. He looked proud and strong. He wasn’t broken or intimidated by what happened. His eyes were piercing, almost stubborn. A bit cold.  
  
When the guy saw Jun, he winced slightly. Apparently he was smart enough to know who he was. “Matsumoto-sama… Sensei told me that it was you who let me rest here.” He bowed deeply. “I’ve caused you so many troubles.”  
  
Jun was surprised by his manners. He wasn’t some sort of wild kid. He seemed to be educated and smart.  
  
“What…” the guy’s eyes were looking at him now and Jun was glad to see some slight fear in the man’s closed and rather cold appearance. “What are you going to do with me now?”  
  
“Well,” Jun snorted. “There are two options. Either we’ll kill and dump you. Or we’ll give you something to eat so that you can recover completely. You choose.”  
  
Karina laughed at that. “You should see your face, dear.” She shook her head, hugging Jun from behind. “Don’t play with him too much, Master.”  
  
The man frowned deeply at that, almost looking angry. “You haven’t told us your name yet,” Jun said. “Also, why you got hurt?”  
  
The man bowed apologetically. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you with the latter. I can’t remember what happened – nothing. I just know that I woke up here.”  
  
“And your name?”  
  
He smiled. “Sakurai Sho.”  
  
“Do you remember where you come from? The family you served?” Jun wanted to know.  
  
“I’m sorry,” the frown on Sho’s forehead was so deep, making him look so desperate that Jun believed him immediately when he told him that he didn’t know anything.   
  
“Weird that you remember your name though,” Satoshi mused. “Maybe the shock only erased parts of your memory. Is there anything you remember?”  
  
“Besides my childhood,” Sho sighed. “Nothing.”  
  
“It’s alright, you should rest, Sakurai-san.” Jun tilted his head. “We’ll talk about everything when you are feeling better.”  
  
******  
  
“The garden is beautiful.”  
  
“Everything here is beautiful,” Aiba smiled warmly, while he helped Karina planting her flowers. “Right, Karina-san?”  
  
“Yes,” she stood up, bowing a bit. “I haven’t introduced myself yet. My name is Karina.”  
  
“Without a surname?” Sho asked in surprise.  
  
She smiled slightly. “I can’t remember my name. It was Matsumoto-sama who gave me my new name.” She pointed at Aiba. “That’s Aiba Masaki.”  
  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Sho bowed slightly. “Are you the gardeners?”  
  
Aiba blinked in surprise. “No, but Karina-san likes flowers, so she looks after them, making the garden even prettier.”  
  
Sho blinked, obviously confused. “What is your place here then?”  
  
Karina and Aiba exchanged some glances, before Aiba laughed slightly. He didn’t answer Sho’s question. He merely grabbed one of the pots with the flowers and carried them to the sakura tree. “Is this place good, Karina-san?”  
  
“Yes,” she nodded her head. “It’s good, Aiba-chan, put it down there. Now please put the others next to it.”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
Her gaze followed Aiba, then she smiled a bit at Sho, feeling his confusion. “A lot of your questions will be answered with time.” She sounded soothingly. “Also the ones concerning yourself. You seem to be a quite skilled man. You can fight?”  
  
“Yes,” Sho nodded his head. “I was practicing with Matsumoto-sama yesterday. Using a katana comes naturally to me. So it seems like I am a samurai after all.”  
  
“Well, if you are good enough the Master might offer you a place in his guard.” Karina explained.  
  
Sho blinked. “Is it okay for you to say such things? Telling me that instead of him? Don’t misunderstand me please, since I don’t know your position, but doesn’t it stretch the boundaries of your place here?”  
  
Karina chuckled. “I told you, you’ll find some answers soon – see? You were raised traditionally. What does this tell you?”  
  
“I might come from a wealthy family,” Sho concluded, trying to hide his obvious surprise that she was so sharp.  
  
“Right. It is perfectly alright for me to say such things to you and tell you that Matsumoto-sama might have good plans for you,” Karina smiled. “It doesn’t stretch the boundaries of my position.”  
  
“What is your position?” Sho asked, sounding slightly impatient.  
  
“My,” Karina chuckled. “You are quite impatient. But that’s alright for a handsome, strong man.” When Sho blushed slightly, she smiled, her eyes gleaming teasingly. “You shouldn’t take that as an offer to approach me though. Or Aiba-chan and Aya-chan. Matsumoto-sama doesn’t like to share what’s his. And I don’t like to give myself to any other men, besides him.”   
  
For a moment Sho blinked, then he blushed deeply, bowing a bit. “My apologies Karina-san. I didn’t know you were one of his, well…”  
  
“Don’t worry,” Karina smiled. “How should you have known?” She waved a bit when she saw a young man approaching them. “Ninomiya-san.”  
  
“Karina-san, stunning as always,” Nino smirked teasingly, grinning when she laughed at his remark.   
  
-  
  
Nino bowed politely when she left to help Aiba, his eyes gleaming in admiration when he saw her. She liked his attention, but the one night he got close to her was pretty much the only possibility he had. Nino never had more intentions. She was Jun’s after all. Her beauty was stunning, just like Jun’s. And it was an unbelievable rare chance to share a night with Jun and Karina.   
  
He was not part of Jun’s harem after all – he was someone he worked with, his friend. He would give his life for Jun, but he preferred to be a free man when it came about to choosing his partner for life. Not that he had any interest in choosing anyone right now. He just liked to have fun.   
  
His eyes were checking Sho now. New guy. Hadn’t seen him yet. “And you are?” he asked nonchalantly.  
  
Sho looked at him in confusion and slight displease, but then he remembered his good behavior and bowed slightly. “Sakurai Sho.”  
  
“Ah!” Nino’s eyes lit up suddenly. “Matsumoto-sama told me about you. You were the guy Sensei found.”  
  
“Yes,” Sho nodded his head. “Matsumoto-sama helped me a lot. I’ll forever be in his debt.”  
  
“He is a good man,” Nino smiled. “One of the best.”  
  
Sho eyed him curiously. “Are you…” he pointed towards Karina and Aiba, making Nino grin.  
  
“No, I’m part of Jun’s guard. Well, for now I’m still learning. I haven’t been raised as a Samurai, you know? My father was a friend of Matsumoto-sama’s, and I always wanted to be of some use to Matsumoto-sama since he became shogun.”  
  
“You are friends?” Sho asked in surprise.  
  
“That’s pretty much it, yes,” Nino smiled. “I’m also his student and subordinate. I guess I’m more like a younger brother, all in all.”  
  
Sho chuckled. “I see. So it is true, he is a good guy.”  
  
“Yes,” Nino frowned. “Too good sometimes. I hope no one will ever take advantage of that.” His eyes darkened, a slight warning in them that made Sho feel uncomfortable. “I won’t let anything happen to him.”  
  
******  
  
“You still can’t remember?”  
  
Sho shook his head, bowing apologetically. “I’m sorry.” He took the cup of tea Jun offered him. They were sitting on one of the private terraces, trying to find out what had happened to Sho and why.   
  
“I’ve been thinking,” Jun mused. “You are a good warrior. You should stay as part of my life guards. Maybe you could even train Ninomiya-kun. You seem to get along well.”  
  
“Is it okay for you to trust me?”  
  
Jun grinned. “Why? Do I have a reason not to?”  
  
“Well, honestly, I don’t know,” Sho answered dryly. Much to his surprise Jun only laughed. A bright, beautiful laugh which made Sho smile as well. He had expected the new shogun to be a cold, distant man. The more he was surprised how young and caring he actually was.  
  
“You are really something,” Jun shook his head. “A smart man would say ‘no’.”  
  
“But isn’t it more like: A smart man knows that saying ‘no’ in such a situation would make him look even more suspicious,” Sho wanted to know.  
  
Jun smiled slightly. “Maybe.”  
  
There was silence between them for a moment. Sho could almost feel the tension in the air, but it wasn’t exactly an uncomfortable one. His heart was beating like madly – it was a feeling that seemed to be new for him.  
  
“Still, you should train with Ninomiya-san,” Jun insisted. “Politics don’t leave me much time to spend time with him.”  
  
Sho bowed, an unusual warm smile on his lips. “I will happily take over this task.”  
  
******  
  
“I heard you entrusted Sakurai-san with Ninomiya-san’s training,” Satoshi smiled when Karina poured some sake into his cup before she sat down next to Jun.   
  
“Yes,” Jun nodded his head, his gaze absent. Like he was thinking of something else, being far away in his thoughts.  
  
Satoshi coughed. “He seems to be a skilled man.”  
  
“His technique is very good,” Jun explained casually. “He is a dedicated sword-fighter and stands very true to his samurai traditions.”  
  
“Interesting. Though he can’t remember anything, these things seem to be ingrained in him,” Karina mused. “It seems to be deep inside him.”  
  
“We should be careful though,” Satoshi hinted warily. “I mean, we don’t know him.”  
  
“We have no reason not to trust him,” Jun answered sharply, his voice tighter than normal.  
  
Satoshi shifted around, a part of him admiring the way Jun was loyal towards his men, trusting them, but at the same time another part of him wanted to shake his brother occasionally, wanting him to wake up and realize that not everyone was good. That he couldn’t change the world, though he was trying to teach the people humanity and respect. Still, he was rich and in the highest political position – there were people envying him, if only for the fact that he had money and they wanted to dispossess him to be in his place. But it was just like Jun not to mistrust anyone. “But Jun – ”  
  
“I know, Satoshi,” Jun interrupted him, this time clear anger in his voice. “I’m not stupid. I know about the dangers outside – I’ve already encountered them.”  
  
“No, that’s not what I meant,” Satoshi stuttered, looking at Karina almost helplessly.   
  
She shrugged slightly, before she tried to help him. “I guess what Sensei wants to say is that his worries and love for you are the strongest feelings inside him and he doesn’t want to see what he loves in danger.”  
  
Satoshi felt like squishing her for always finding the right words and the balance between making a point and being soothing and loyal towards Jun. “You don’t understand,” Jun argued, glaring at Satoshi. “If I can’t trust those around me, I’ll have nothing. Just as you mistrust Sakurai-san, he could mistrust you and think you want to poison him as a doctor. Or I could think that Aiba-chan put up an act when I found him on the streets.”  
  
“Yes, of course you are right,” Satoshi gave in. “But we shouldn’t forget to be careful, no matter what. It has nothing to do with mistrusting someone. It’s just to be careful.”  
  
Jun stayed silent, his thoughts shifting to Sho and his stoic and beautiful face, his trained body, the way he was swinging his sword. He was perfection. His rare smile, the moments when his eyes lit up and broke the cold and closed surface. It wasn’t like Jun couldn’t understand his brother, but at the same time it was more difficult for him this time to be reasonable. He wanted to trust Sho blindly, just like that, though he knew it might be something stupid to do. He couldn’t even explain his own thoughts and actions anymore, why he was so attached to this man. “What do you think?” Jun suddenly turned his attention towards Karina. “Do you trust Sakurai-san?”  
  
Karina stayed silent for a moment, then she smiled. “No, I don’t trust him, just like I don’t trust any other men here, except for you. I don’t want to see you in any sort of danger. Hence, I don’t trust Sakurai-san. But I do have faith in your decisions.”  
  
******  
  
 _I don’t want to see you in any sort of danger. Hence, I don’t trust Sakurai-san, but I do have faith in your decisions._  
  
Jun rubbed his head nervously. What Karina had said got deep under his skin. If he brought himself into danger, he would also bring her into danger, and Aiba, and Aya. And his brother. Even Nino. Their destinies and safety were bound to him. If he would be gone, their lives would be in danger.  
  
-  
  
“Is it okay to interrupt you?” Aiba peeked into the room nervously, making Jun blink in surprise. Then he chuckled.  
  
“They sent you because I can’t stay gloomy when you are around,” Jun teased, enjoying the blush on Aiba’s face.  
  
“Aya-chan is waiting too,” Aiba hinted, lowering his voice so that only Jun could hear him. “But she is too shy and thinks she will be a disturbance.”  
  
Jun blinked. “Is that true, Aya-chan? Why don't you come in too?”  
  
Aya glared at Aiba when she followed Jun’s invitation and slipped into the room. “Blabbermouth.”  
  
Jun chuckled slightly at their bickering. He was glad to see them so happy after all they went through. And to his surprise they managed it to lighten up his mood, chasing his dark thoughts away for a moment.  
  
It was later when Aya had fallen asleep that Jun addressed Aiba directly. “Masaki.”  
  
Aiba looked up in surprise, not used to Jun using his first name instead of his nicknames. “Yes Master?”  
  
“What do you think of Sakurai-san? Be honest.”  
  
Aiba blinked. “Sho-chan? He has been very supportive. He and Nino-chan are getting along well – and Nino-chan is actually quite picky. He is also always respectful towards Karina-san, Aya-chan and me. And he speaks nothing but well and respectfully about you.”  
  
Jun nodded his head, feeling slightly relieved. “Yes, but do you trust him?”  
  
For a moment Aiba stayed silent, looking down at his fingers. “I don’t trust easily,” he finally admitted. “It has nothing to do with him.”  
  
Jun looked at him sympathetically, stroking his cheek softly. “I know.”  
  
Aiba smiled at Jun’s soothing gesture. “But I don’t get any bad vibes from him. I like him.”  
  
“Good,” Jun nodded his head, feeling relieved by Aiba’s honest words and feelings.

 

******

 

“Impressive,” Sho shook his head in disbelief. “You’ve done amazing work here, Karina-san.”  
  
“Yes,” Aya smiled. “She is the best.”  
  
“More than the best!” Aiba insisted.  
  
Jun smiled warmly. “I agree on that.”  
  
For a moment Karina looked almost embarrassed, blushing deeply. “You are flattering me too much.”  
  
Sho chuckled. “It’s not possible to flatter a woman too much. You deserve it.”  
  
“Obviously he is a wise man,” Jun agreed, nodding at Karina encouragingly. “I order all of you to have fun.”  
  
Satoshi grinned slightly. “What a fine order.”  
  
“Yes,” Aiba beamed. “We’ll happily listen to that.” He grabbed Aya’s hand. “I’ll be looking after Aya, Master, so you can enjoy this evening too.”  
  
“That’s a lovely idea, Aiba-chan,” Karina nodded her head in approval, before she shooed them away and towards the crowd. She would never admit it but she felt thankful and relieved that Jun liked her flowers and how she arranged everything. This was his favourite festival after all – the only day were a huge crowed actually gathered here and celebrated something aside from him. The flowers blossoming.   
  
She smiled happily at them. She had lost most of her doubts towards Sho. Over the past months he had been nothing but thankful and supportive. He had taught Nino a lot, he had treated them with respect, helping them when they needed him. He had showed his gratitude towards Jun and also Satoshi for saving his life  
  
He still couldn’t remember his past, but despite his impatience and his temper, he stayed patient in this case. And they all respected him for that and how fast he was able to fit in and adapt to this situation.  
  
-  
  
“This festival is beautiful,” Sho looked around in awe. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like that. At least it doesn’t feel like I did.”  
  
Jun smiled. “Well then, let me show you around.”   
  
The next two hours they spent with watching the scenery, the flowers and the people. A lot of people wanted to talk to Jun, naturally, so Jun was soon occupied by them, needing to fulfil his political duties.   
  
It was later when Sho was sitting on one of the rocks next to the beautiful small lake that Jun joined him. “You hide well.”  
  
Sho blinked in surprise when he heard Jun’s voice, then he bowed apologetically. “It wasn’t my intention to hide, but this place was so alluring.”  
  
“It’s also my favorite place,” Jun explained as he sat down.  
  
“It is?”  
  
“Yes, whenever I have troubles or worries, I’ll come here. It makes me clear my thoughts and think properly again.” Jun leaned back a bit, looking up at a sky. “Maybe because it’s related to my mother. She died early – and she was the one who created this place.”  
  
“I see,” Sho’s eyes lit up in sympathy, shining almost warmly now. “She must have been a wonderful woman then.”  
  
Jun was surprised by these words and Sho’s smile, it touched him deeper than he thought it would. “You are a beautiful man when you smile like that, Sakurai-san.”  
  
Sho’s eyes widened, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Thank you, Matsumoto-sama. But I don’t think I’m beautiful.”  
  
“You are,” Jun mused. “Once you let go of that stoic attitude.”  
  
Sho stayed quiet, before he looked at Jun directly. “May I ask you something?”  
  
“Of course, go ahead.”  
  
“Why do you trust people so much?” Sho wanted to know. “I mean, aren’t you scared? You immediately gave me a place here – did you never have doubts that I could have had ill intentions.” Sho brushed over his kimono, revealing one of his ankles. “I even have this strange tattoo here.”  
  
Jun took a closer look at it – It was the eye of an eagle – but to Sho’s obvious relief he wasn’t really impressed. “Of course I had doubts,” he explained honestly. “Only a fool would trust a stranger blindly. But trust can grow with time. It’s been months that we found you and you have been nothing but loyal. Now, if we hadn’t trust you and dumped you, what would have happened to you? You might be leading a horrible life now. Every person needs a chance to prove himself. I want those close to me to be safe – I would do anything to have them secure.”  
  
“People speak so high from you, I slowly understand why.” Sho smiled slightly. “I will try to prove myself once I remember everything. I hope I’ll be worth it.”  
  
Jun smiled. “I’m sure you’ll be worth it. Even when your memory might be something dark or difficult, even when you need to fight it, even when it awakens demons inside you, you are strong enough to fight it.” He turned his head to look at Sho, surprised by the intense look in the other’s eyes. Jun reached out his hand, touching Sho’s shoulder. It was the only sign he gave, but for Sho it was enough to bend forward and kiss him softly.  
  
Jun smiled against Sho’s lips, his hand wandering from Sho’s shoulder to the back of his head, grabbing his hair to pull him closer, deepening the kiss.  
  
******  
  
It started warm and soothing, with images of how he kissed Jun during the festival last week and how he wished for him to have some free time again so that they could repeat that. He longed for Jun, his whole mind and body did. He wanted his acceptance, his respect and his love. In his dreams it was all so clear and easy.  
  
But then suddenly it changed. The honest emotions leaving and suddenly Sho was covered in darkness, in pain and in horrible pictures – things he hadn’t remembered about, things he had never believed he would be connected to.  
  
-  
  
Sho woke up, covered in sweat. His hands were trembling, his whole body shaking. He sat up, lying against the wall. The futon underneath him felt so comfortable. Everyone here had been so helpful and caring towards him, though they didn’t even need to feel obliged to do so. He knew that it was Jun’s pride as a warrior – the one he had been once – to look after his men, his subordinates, and treat them well. He had done that with Sho too, though he didn’t know anything from him.  
  
Sho rubbed over his head, his hand was wet from all the sweat. What was he supposed to do now? He almost wished he had died on that day instead of being found and cared for by the shogun.   
  
This was all so wrong.  
  
Sho didn’t even realize how he was crying. His memory had returned, and he hated it. He wished it wouldn’t have come back.  
  
-  
  
“You are awake,” Sho sounded surprised when he met Jun outside in the garden.   
  
“I’ve been working,” Jun explained, a tired expression on his face. It made Sho wince slightly, wishing he would relax a bit more and not look that exhausted.   
  
Sho smiled slightly, his dark feelings chased away for a moment since he had seen Jun. “Should I distract you from your work?”  
  
“Yes, that would be very appreciated.”  
  
Sho bent forward, his hands touching Jun’s neck and shoulders. He felt warm, his skin soft. Sho spent his time with touching and stroking Jun’s skin, his face, his hair. The tension was so thick that it almost felt like it was dripping down on him. For a moment they both stayed quiet, not moving at all, then Sho dashed forward, kissing Jun heatedly. He could feel two arms being wrapped around his hips, pulling him closer, his own hands moving over Jun’s back, grasping the fabric of his kimono and pulling at it.   
  
Sho didn’t know when and how they made it back into his room, but at one point he realized that there weren’t trees surrounding them anymore but the beautiful old paintings on the walls of his room. His hands dove into Jun’s hair, tugging at it. He wondered how far Jun would let him go, but since he seemed to approve of it, Sho decided not to think too much.  
  
“How do you plan to distract me?” Jun whispered, his voice hoarse.  
  
Sho smiled. “May I?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
He made Jun lay down on his back, before he straddled his hips. With swift fingers he started to undress Jun, slowly. His fingers were touching every part of Jun’s skin while he was brushing off his clothes. The moment Jun was undressed, Sho bent down, continuing to touch and stroke Jun, while he was kissing his skin, brushing over it with his lips. He could feel how Jun’s skin was heating up, how he was getting more and more sensitive to his touches.   
  
When Jun opened his eyes to look at him, they were dark, sparkling in an almost alluring way. He handed Sho a little bottle with oil, not saying anything. Sho’s eyes widened in surprise – he hadn’t expected this and he was sure that Jun was normally never giving himself to someone like he did tonight.  
  
Sho tried to give him everything he could, to be soft and fierce at once. His hands were stroking Jun’s hair and at the same time pulling at it, until Jun smirked at him, grabbed his face and pulled him into a heated kiss.   
  
In his entire life Sho had never felt that special before and that loved. His hands were moving over Jun’s skin naturally, before he started to prepare him, the oil covering them in a scent of orchid and spruce. It smelled like the little town Sho was born in and it painfully reminded him of what he had lost and where he had been raised from then on.  
  
But he didn’t want to think about it now, he merely wanted to give himself to Jun. His hands were holding Jun’s hips when he pushed into him, careful at the beginning, until his movements became more confident and rougher.   
  
There was no sound in the room except their panting and moans. They tried to keep the sound down, not to wake anyone up or to pull someone’s attention towards them. And for this moment, when he was together with Jun, Sho was able to forget again what he had just remembered the very same night.   
  
He had forgotten it again for now, but only as long as he was with Jun. He pushed his hips against Jun’s brushing over his spot over and over again, at the same time stroking his cock, until he came. It was only after that that Sho allowed himself to come too.  
  
-  
  
As they lay next to each other, coming down from their orgasm and the heated night, Sho turned around to look at Jun. “And now?” he asked, not able to hide the shaking tune in his voice. “You want me in your harem?”  
  
“No,” Jun shook his head, his eyes looking at Sho directly. If he would have seen something wary in Sho’s eyes, he had ignored it. “I want you as my companion, as my friend, someone who is at my side as an equal. A person who – if he feels like it – can also be my lover. I want you to make your own decisions and be free. Only then this here will be real.”  
  
Sho looked at Jun in deep surprise, his eyes widened, his hands shivering slightly. “As a friend and lover? As someone who is at your side, equally, someone you come to when you need an advice?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“This is just…” Sho felt an overwhelming sadness and desperation inside him. “No one ever said something like that to me, no one was ever nice and caring towards me. No one ever took me as so important and as something… special. I’ve never encountered something like that.” He paused, realising that he was giving away the fact that he had remembered something about his past, so he immediately added: “I can’t remember though, but this is the feeling I have inside me.”  
  
******  
  
Sho was absent-minded, more than usual. He couldn’t forget the night he shared with Jun, but at the same time he also couldn’t forget his memory that was coming back. Every day another piece returned to him and he just wanted to close up and chase it away again. He didn’t want his memory – everything would be perfect if he didn’t have it.   
  
_Even when your memory might be something dark or difficult, even when you need to fight it, even when it awakens demons inside you, you are strong enough to fight it._  
  
Jun was wrong. Sho wasn’t strong. The mere thought of what he was supposed to do made him already freak out and though he did freak out, he couldn’t fight it. There was still one part inside him that hoped that this was just some twisted sort of sick dream, that it wasn’t true.  
  
He needed to make sure. Check, if he really was this awful person from his memories.  
  
On a walk he remembered it, the place where he was supposed to go to. It was one hour away from the shogun’s palace, a deserted temple, with a small lake and beautiful flowers next to it. Close to the lake there were several rocks – huge ones. When Sho reached them, he was still hoping that it was a dream, that it wasn’t true.  
  
But when he angled for something in the little space between the rocks, his fingers grasped a paper. The moment he pulled it out, he knew it. It wasn’t a dream. It was the horrible truth.  
  
 _If you pick this up, it means that you are ready for the mission. We're counting on you. Remember who you belong to. You are ours. If you fail, you will be a disappointment to us and our ideals. And dead._  
  
******  
  
Images from his pasts were hunting him, things he did, and the same time there was this fear inside him, knowing what _they_ would do to him if he failed. He had been raised by them after his parents died at a young age. They had educated him and turned him into what he was now. A monster.  
  
“Is everything alright, Sakurai-san?” Karina’s eyes were looking at him in worry. She was obviously feeling his dismay, but most likely she didn’t understand where it was coming from. Gladly. She would have never accepted him around Jun, if she knew.  
  
Sho’s eyes wandered towards Jun, watching him as he was talking to Satoshi. A tired smile on his lips. He had worked so much during the last days.  
  
Could he really do it?  
  
His head hurt, making him ache in pain, not because of his memory coming back, but because of what his memory was. The way he had been brainwashed and forced to obey and do what they wanted.   
  
He wasn’t strong enough to fight them.  
  
“Sakurai-san,” Karina was suddenly next to him, touching his head. “Is it your head? Are you in pain?” She turned around to face Jun and Satoshi. “Sensei! Come please.”  
  
-  
  
Hours later Sho woke up, he hadn’t even realized he had passed out. That they had brought him to Jun’s room. His head still hurt, making him ache in pain. He could almost feel how _they_ were hitting him and beating him up, forcing him to follow them. Anyone who disobeyed was killed, and with that everyone they loved. This was not a joke. If he disobeyed, he would be dead soon.  
  
Sho turned around, surprised when he saw Jun next to him, deep asleep. He wanted to touch him, to wake him up and tell him everything. But what would happen then?   
  
Sho stood up carefully, his feet still trembling. He had been to Jun’s room before, it was wide and beautiful. He had always felt comfortable there. On the small table there was a bottle with tea and next to it some fruits. And a knife.  
  
A knife…  
  
Sho’s hands were trembling when he raised his hand, his fingers clenched around the knife. He paused for a moment, looking down at Jun. He was asleep, his breath going even. His features were looking softer than when he was awake. He was a nice guy, strangely, because all the others before him were either staying away from normal people, rough and difficult men, or didn’t care at all.   
  
Jun cared.  
  
He was different.  
  
Sho felt how his breath was hitching. What was he doing here? What should he do?   
  
Jun was so different. So beautiful, so strong. He let his hand sink down, about to throw the knife again, when…  
  
“You shouldn’t do that.”  
  
Sho startled when he heard Jun’s voice, his eyes widening. He drew back immediately, jumping out of the bed. Jun was turning his head now, looking at him directly. His eyes dark, there was an expression in them Sho couldn’t read. “I…”  
  
“Go,” Jun’s eyes were suddenly sparkling in wrath, the expression from before away. Sho was surprised that Jun didn’t kill him, that he didn’t beat him up. His expression was full of anger, and besides that, cold. “Every day you continue to live is a gift from me. Now leave. I don’t want to see you ever again.”  
  
******  
  
“Sho-chan?” Aiba was surprised when he saw how Sho passed by him, running as fast as he could, out of the front door.   
  
Aiba dropped the things in his hands, hurrying after him. Sho was running fast, but he seemed to be confused, panicked, hence it wasn’t difficult to follow him.   
  
Aiba paused in surprise when he heard screams and loud voices. His eyes widened when he saw a group of men, obviously samurai, but not the ones that were working for them. They were dressed differently. Their kimonos having the same pattern, with the eye of an eagle. Now they were holding Sho, beating him.  
  
Aiba froze in shock at the picture in front of him. He didn’t even realize anymore what he was doing – it was an instinctive reaction. He knew Jun would rip his head off for bringing himself into danger like that, he would be punished… if he survived this. But Aiba wasn’t thinking properly, he merely rushed forward, trying to push the men away.   
  
Sho’s face was covered in blood but when he saw Aiba, his eyes widened in shock. “DON’T AIBA-CHAN! Go away!! Run!”  
  
“I won’t run,” Aiba huffed, trying to avoid the punches of the men. “You are a friend.”  
  
“I’m NOT a friend, Aiba-chan, now run. Leave me behind or they will kill you,” Sho struggled, trying to get free from the men. For a moment he was able to get one of his arms free to push one of the men away from Aiba. “RUN!”  
  
Aiba ignored Sho’s warnings, knowing that even though Jun might be mad at him, he was still feeling attached to Sho – no matter what he was or what he did. So he kept struggling…  
  
Even when they had carried Sho away… leaving Aiba with a bunch of guys he couldn’t fight, Aiba was still struggling, trying to fight the guys and trying to keep alive. He slowly felt how he was losing control, how his strength left him.   
  
They were so strong…  
  
“Masaki!!”  
  
Aiba’s eyes widened in surprise by the voice and before he could even answer, Jun had already kicked the guys away from him. Right behind him there was Nino – with Sho’s training he had become a very good warrior. He and Jun easily fought the other men. Aiba’s eyes were following Jun’s perfect movements, his body was so elegant, he moved so smoothly, but when Jun turned around and glared at him Aiba pretty much knew he had been right… that Jun would rip his head off.  
  
-  
  
Jun’s eyes were sparkling dangerously, making Aiba wince slightly. He almost wished for Nino or Karina to be here now, because they were such steady personalities, but it was only him and Jun and Satoshi. “Did you lose your mind running outside like that, fighting against these men alone without even facing the slightest bit of a chance!? The only thing I ever ordered you to do is to-keep-yourself-SAFE! If you disappear like that, how could I protect you!? Just imagine if it were Aya putting herself into danger like that!”   
  
Aiba looked at him in shock, wondering what he would do then. Most likely panic and cry. He blushed slightly when he thought that most likely Aya did exactly that when she heard that he was in danger - cry.   
  
“This was insane,” Satoshi agreed, rubbing over his head tiredly. “Don’t you understand, you could have been dead now!? You were just lucky.”  
  
Aiba’s eyes widened at that. “I’m so sorry,” he bowed deeply. “I wasn’t thinking… I just… I did it instinctively.”   
  
“I can’t let that go,” Jun rubbed over his dark hair in exasperation.   
  
“I know,” Aiba bowed again, sincerely. “Please, I’m sorry. I’ll accept any punishment.”  
  
-  
  
Aiba wasn’t exactly scared, this had happened before, but still he felt his stomach twitching nervously when Satoshi pushed his kimono up and held him down, his thumbs rubbing over his arms soothingly. Aiba could hear how the cane cut the air before it hit him, but no sound left his lips, except for some almost silent whimpers. He counted down to twenty, then it was over.   
  
He was surprised that Jun didn’t go harder on him. But apparently, though being angry, he was still too soft.  
  
-  
  
“You are making me go insane,” Jun mumbled, when he put some cold, wet cloth on Aiba’s welts. “What would we do without you? It would be such a sad life.”  
  
“I’ll always trust you to save me, Master,” Aiba mumbled tiredly, surprised by how hoarse his voice was.   
  
“Yes, but what if, one day, I’ll not be in time,” Jun wanted to know. “What if you get killed or raped or abused. It was luck that we found you tonight, because Aya-chan saw you running out of the house and towards the forest. It was only luck. Just like the first time I saved you. You shouldn’t push this luck too much.”  
  
Aiba rested his head on the pillow, feeling how Jun was rubbing his shoulders. Only then he allowed himself to cry. For causing everyone so much troubles and worries. Even Sho had been panicking when he saw how he was in danger. Nino had been looking worked up, Aya was crying and…   
  
“Is Karina-san mad?”  
  
“She reacted like a viper,” Jun joked. “Don’t worry, we’ll keep her away from you as good as we can.”  
  
Aiba had to smile slightly. “Me and Aya-chan are so much work…”  
  
Jun frowned. “I can’t remember Aya being lots of work though.” He laughed when he saw Aiba’s glare. “Fine. If you feel better, I’ll just agree to it. You are in the perfect situation to be sulky today. I hate hurting you and might be feeling guilty for it. Maybe.”  
  
Aiba turned around, trying to hide the fact that he loved to receive some attention. When he looked into Jun’s eyes, he blinked. There was a certain expression there he had never seen before. It made him suddenly remember how Sho had run out of the house yesterday. Aiba had followed him without thinking, but now that he thought about it… he wondered about the reasons for it.   
  
The men that attacked him, it seemed like Sho belonged to them. Or had belonged to them. They were also attacking Jun and Nino, though they clearly had recognized Jun.   
  
Aiba gulped. “This can’t be…”  
  
“What?”  
  
“He is…” Aiba looked at Jun directly now. “…a traitor?”  
  
By the way Jun winced, Aiba could tell that he had just hit the nail. He shook his head in disbelief.   
  
“What do you think?” Jun wanted to know.  
  
“I still don’t get the aura of danger from him,” Aiba answered warily. “He might have been raised as a traitor, brainwashed to be one, but… he isn’t. Not anymore, not since he lost his memory and you saved him.”  
  
  
******  
  
“We need to talk about Sho,” Nino opened the talk without any further introduction.   
  
“What!?” Jun almost dropped his cup with tea. The silence that covered them now was almost too uncomfortable to bear, but it didn’t make Nino back off. Jun turned around to look at Karina. “Would you please leave us alone for a moment, dear? And please tell Masaki and Aya-chan to stay away for a moment.”  
  
-  
  
“What happened?” Aiba asked in surprise when Karina told him and Aya that they couldn’t join Jun at the moment.  
  
Karina sighed in frustration. “Either Ninomiya-san is very stupid or very brave. I don’t exactly know which one it is.”  
  
“Maybe both,” Aiba mused. “What does it make him then? If he is stupid and brave?”  
  
“That would be you,” Karina answered dryly.  
  
“Eh!?” Aiba blushed, when Aya laughed. “That’s not true.”  
  
-  
  
“What is this all about?” Jun asked angrily. “Did you lose your mind?”  
  
“I’m just wondering if you will really let him die.” Nino asked bluntly. “I mean, you were very close.”  
  
“I don’t know, maybe you forgot the little unimportant point that he wanted to assassinate me,” Jun huffed. “This was his purpose from the beginning. When I realized, I even gave him a chance… I knew I had seen this sign with the eagle’s eye before. I put the knife on my table, to check if he would do something to me.”  
  
“But he didn’t kill you,” Nino answered warily. “He might have thought about it when he took the knife, but he couldn’t do it. Also, remember what Aiba-chan told you, how he was struggling to help Aiba and make him run.”  
  
“He is still a traitor,” Jun shook his head angrily. “He is part of the group that killed my father.”  
  
“You are not feeling well, you are worried. Even though he might have been a traitor and brought up by these men, you feel bad for losing him, because you love him.”  
  
Jun’s eyes darkened for a moment, his eyebrows furrowed. He hit the wall with his fist. “Remember your position,” he hissed.  
  
Nino drew back, surprised by Jun’s sudden fierce reaction. Then he chuckled slightly. “That’s the first time you react that fiercely. I’ve never seen you like that. Isn’t that a sign enough for you?”  
  
“You are driving me insane,” Jun grumbled. “You and Aiba.”  
  
“Good,” Nino nodded his head contently. “That’s what I’ve always done after all, even when we were kids and I followed you around every day.”  
  
Jun smiled. “You’ve always made me forget how difficult life was… as the son of my parents."  
  
“See?” Nino asked sympathetically. “You never stuck to their traditions. You always did follow your own beliefs. In Sho’s case… what do you believe?”  
  
******  
  
Every muscle in his body ached, his whole body in pain. Sho tried to push himself up from the cold floor he was lying on. He leaned against the wall, his eyes slowly getting used to his dark surroundings. They had locked him into one of their cells. Because he had failed. But Sho didn’t regret it – killing Jun would have been something he would regret for the rest of his life. It was better that they ended his life and let him die without living with such guilt. It was the first time that Sho actually had such a feeling, that he was proud of having found his own believes.  
  
Though it was too late now. He should have told Jun about everything when his memory came back. But at that time he was too scared, too afraid. He hadn’t even realized how much of a coward he was until he saw Aiba fighting for him.  
  
So, he hadn’t told them anything when they brought him here. He had kept everything a secret, everything he had encountered in Jun’s palace. Every glimpse of Jun’s political plans, the structure of his house, the inside of it, he hadn’t told them about it. They were desperate, because now that Jun knew where Sho came from, his whole organization was in danger. They wouldn’t be able to send an assassin to Jun anymore, especially since Sho decided to stay quiet. Even though they had promised him to spare his life if he told them what he knew.  
  
It was the first time for Sho to fight them mentally. And despite the difficult situation, it made him feel proud. Maybe Jun would never get to know that in the end he didn’t betray him, but at least Sho could die peacefully now.  
  
-  
  
Sho blinked when he heard loud noises coming from outside, surprised when all the guards suddenly ran away, leaving him alone in his prison. He wondered what was going on. There were voices and someone was screaming, but the sounds were too far away from him to really hear what was happening.   
  
When the door opened and someone walked down the staircase, Sho squinted, trying to see through the darkness. He thought it would be someone of his own people to come and kill him.   
  
Then his eyes widened in surprise and shock, and disbelief. He didn’t have much time to realize and grasp everything, because the next thing he knew was how a hand slapped him hard.   
  
“You are so unbelievably stupid,” Jun huffed. “Considering that you are normally such an intelligent guy.” He sighed, sitting down next to him. “Better be glad that I had already tried to find the base of this organization – they killed my father, since then we have been looking for them. Otherwise you would have died here.”  
  
Sho was genuinely surprised. “When you saw the tattoo…”  
  
Jun shrugged. “I had faith in you. Listen, people who threaten you, abandon you and brainwash you are not the ones you should be following. They neither deserve your love nor your obedience nor your loyalty.”  
  
Sho stayed silent, looking away from Jun. “I know,” he finally answered. “and though you won’t believe me now, but I wanted to tell you… just that I couldn’t. It overwhelmed me, I was such a coward. But I never would have killed you.”  
  
“I know.”  
  
“Eh?”   
  
“I said: I know,” Jun smiled slightly. “You think I would be here if I didn’t believe in you.”  
  
Sho looked at Jun in surprise, then he smiled warily. “Damn,” He tried to get up on his own, but his body still felt too weak. He was eternally thankful when Jun grabbed his arm and pulled him up. Through the whole way out he held on to his arm to keep his balance. When they were outside, Sho paused. He smiled when Jun looked at him through questioning eyes. “I promise, I’ll give my best to be a good companion. For whatever you need from me. May it be to fight on your side, or to give you an advice, or to love you.”  
  
Jun blushed slightly at that, trying to hide his embarrassment behind a smirk. “We are happy to have you back. All of us.”  
  
“All of you?”  
  
“Yes, well, maybe Karina isn’t all that happy.”  
  
Sho chuckled, his arm around Jun’s hips so that he had some support while walking. “I kind of figured that already. It’s nothing new.”  
  
His body, still in pain from the last days, made it difficult for Sho to actually walk back home, but Jun kept his pace slow to help Sho as best as he could. It was the first time for Sho that someone treated him like that.   
  
With respect and love.   
  
From now on he would do the same. Give all his respect and love to someone who was worth it. Jun.


End file.
